S1:E2 Alexis Artin: Whatever You Don't Own, Will Own You

"I never saw anything sexier on two legs in my life and the world just flipped completely upside down.  That's when the flood gate of 'QUESTION EVERYTHING' opened for me."

In this episode, leading success coach, international speaker and writer, Alexis Artin who is trained in Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP) and The DeMartini Method, shares her expertise and experience on how claiming our power as women is the most important endeavor we can take in our lives.


From working in the soul-sucking entertainment industry with Hollywood A-Listers to becoming a Master Teacher and Trainer in the Embodied Movement industry, Alexis transforms women out of deep patriarchal conditioning and into full embodied self-expression.
 

"People often don't realize that the approaches that they have to their world, the way that they create their world started well before they were resourceful and powerful enough to make those decisions for themselves."

Key Takeaways:

[01:44]  The Mind Matrix: The Belief System that we are attached to but doesn't serve us

[06:33] The Power of The DeMartini Method: The Power of Duality 

[11:57] How women are supposed to play their parts in the world

[17:54] Alexis' awakening in the Embodiment Movement

[26:21] The CampFire Promise and its devastating effect on women

[32:10] How to become your full self sexually

[34:34] What are the conditions to reclaim all parts of you

[42:04] Alexis' top 3 values and her new program launching

Links: 

Website:  https://alexisartin.com/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/alexisartin

Instagram Handle: https://www.instagram.com/alexis_artin/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alexis-artin/

Books: 

https://www.amazon.com/Heart-Mind-Matrix-Heart-Teach-Think/dp/1594774889

Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Hello, lovelies. Welcome to sacred AF. Woo. Today's going to be good. I can feel it. How do you like already have goosebumps? I already have goosebumps getting to interview my guest today. Let me tell you a little bit about her and the phenomenal work that she does in the world and who she is. Alexis Ardin is a leading success coach in international speaker and a writer who's trained in NLP and is a master embodiment teacher fully immersed in the Dimartini method, which I want to know. I want to hear all about that. I know who you're talking about. I don't know what the method is. I want to hear all about that. Alexis has spent the past two decades propelling people towards their personal and professional best. She is a woman, much like me transforming women, and she not only asks them tough questions that drill down to the root, but she empowers them with proven information so they can confidently make new choices that dissolve the mind matrix of illusions constructed around their lives. I'm not going to read any more because I want you to actually dive into that dissolve the mind matrix of illusions constructed around their lives. Alexis. Welcome. Thank you. And can you, can you elaborate on that? Cause that I read that before we started recording and I read it now and being with those words, we get to dive into that. So say more about that.

Speaker 2 (01:31):

Oh God. I would love to. So in essence, and thank you for having me, I'm so excited to be here. I too have all sorts of energy in my body, so thank you. So the mind matrix is this concept that I speak about that discusses the belief systems or the perceptions or the cognitive bias that we've attached to since our world was constructed. And people often don't realize that the approaches that they have to their world, the way that they create their world started well before they were resourceful and powerful enough to make those decisions for themselves. So I always like to use this analogy to sort of make this point. Is that, how do you know what your name is, Kristen? How do you know what your name is?

Speaker 1 (02:33):

Someone gave it to me and taught me, that's my name.

Speaker 2 (02:35):

Someone told me who you are and you still to this day claim to that identity, whether it's it's true for you or not. And it's funny because last night I actually, I have two children. One that's almost going to be three and one, that's almost going to be seven. And last night, my son out of nowhere asked me, why did you name me Bryce, where that name come from? And I, you know, I went through this long story about why daddy and I gave him that name. And I said, because of my training, I said, but that doesn't mean that that's the name that resonates for you. And if you decide that that name doesn't fit you and you decide that you want to go by another name, you get to make that decision. And he said, I liked the name Jackson. And I said, okay, well, let's sit with whether or not you want to be Bryce or you want to be Jackson.

Speaker 2 (03:36):

And, and to me, that's so empowering because we do assign ourselves, we squeeze ourselves into the values of our caregivers because that's how we're going to get our needs met. That's how we're going to survive. Let alone thrive in their worlds. Right? And not everybody has a parent that will say to them, well, what, what do you want, right? It's what do I want for you? And when we're absorbing 360 degrees, 365 days a year, 24 7, right? When we're absorbing the values of other people, right? When we want to be a good girl or boy for our parents, when we want to be a good student for our teachers, we want to be a law abiding citizen for our government. When we want to be accepted by our friends, we are absorbing every which direction, all the time what's expected of us, what's wanted of us so that we can thrive, get our needs met, right. And then thrive. So we construct this mind matrix, and it's not reality. It's a reality. That's been constructed, sort of like the movie, the matrix. It's not real. And when you realize that it's not real, it's constructed that you actually have choice to step outside of that matrix, that it dissolves and you go, oh wow, I'm the master of my life.

Speaker 1 (04:59):

Mm that's so good on so many levels. I'm like, I could, I could go here. I could go here. Yes. To all of it. And you know, I too, in raising my, I have two daughters, you have two sons in raising. My two daughters have taken, of course, the conditioning that I, I received in my upbringing and consciously said, okay, what, what worked, what didn't necessarily work from the standpoint of constriction or fitting into a box or having to do it someone else's way. And so I'm very clear with them that their full self-expression is paramount it's and they get to choose. And I think sometimes, sometimes that it's difficult for a child. And also for a parent, I, myself, I straddle wanting to raise someone who knows who she is and is fully self expressed and can go anywhere she needs to go, because that is the work that I actually do out in the world and a child that's also respectful, respectful, not only of authority or adults or other, but really of herself. So it's this, it's this, it's these two realms that I, I, you know, I find

Speaker 2 (06:27):

Myself while you're talking, talking about something really important, which you said, I'm so curious about the Demartini method, right? The Demartini method is, is all about the balance of the duality that you're speaking about. Okay. Absolutely. Everything in life, from a scientific perspective, like put aside you know, the, the, I mean, this is psychological because we're talking about neuroscience and all of these things, but put aside anything Wu and, and, and come into the science of duality and duality is the essence of everything that exists from the smallest cell in your body to, you know, the extensity of the cosmos. Absolutely. Everything is particle. And antiparticle, if you think about, you know, two sides of the magnet, can't be separated, there's equal charge of positive and negative, right? So if you think about what goes up, must come down to equal distance. There's forever.

Speaker 2 (07:23):

There's flow for day there's night for again, there's young for, you know, for light there shadow equal amounts, like everything is quantitatively and qualitatively equal when we're in a state of homeostasis. Right? And so when we're talking about, well, I want them to have X amount of freedom, but I also want them to have X amount of maybe safety and security or limits or whatever that may be right now, we're talking about balance. And whenever we're in a state of balance, whenever we're in a state of equilibrium of equality of homeostasis, we're in a state of gratitude, we're in our natural state of grace, of unconditional love of trust of truth, without judgment and stories attached. Right? So really what you're doing is you're parenting with almost holistically is kind of the word that I would give rather than conditionally.

Speaker 1 (08:20):

Imagine the world, right? No, no fault, no blame. This is the conditioning and the programming that we all come into. And as you are, we, we get to choose. We get to choose. You know, one of the things I love, I love to say is question everything. It was one of the, one of the first like Buddha quotes was question everything. And it was the in iteration of this question, everything, even if it is I who have told you if it doesn't align or with your own reasoning, I would take reasoning to the next level. If it doesn't align with your spirit, if it doesn't align with your inner compass, your inner knowing. And that really is you're, we're, we're seriously fricking hitting every aspect of what this podcast stands for. Because the, the, the conversations that I think women get to hear is all parts of you are sacred. So when we talk about the good girl versus the, let's just use that as a, let's use that as an example of the duality, right? The good girl, the bad girl, you can put whatever names you want to put on that it is in the acceptance and acknowledgement and reckless reclaiming, like claiming all sides of us that gives us the most power. It gives us the most integrity, the most homeness we get to show up completely when we're not hiding those parts that we think of.

Speaker 2 (10:03):

Totally. And, you know, one of my teachers always likes to say the quality of their life is based on the quality of the questions that you ask yourself. Yeah. And I agree with that completely. And what you're talking about is so embedded, and I'm just going to go here because it's, it's such a massive, massive, massive part of everything that I've, that I've dedicated myself to and studied specifically in empowerment and embodiment for the feminine is the patriarchy and the misogyny that is so woven into our subconscious, our unconscious that it is inevitably part of every one of our matrixes. And, you know, it goes back to the days of, well, you know, when you say like the and the Virgin or whatever, when, you know, when you're talking about, you know, the Virgin Mary and Mary Magdalen, or you're talking about the garden of Eden, you're talking about the fact that the feminine is, you know, what do, what do men were over?

Speaker 2 (11:08):

They were over resources. They were over land, they were over money. They were over, you know, oil or any of these things. And they were over sources of, of life and abundance. And what is the greatest source of all life, the womb challenge, right? So they take their blades and they wore over the chalice. I'll Riane Eisler as the cellist then blade, right. And they, and to Ron's credit, right. She talks about the dominator model versus the partnership model. And the dominator model really came through with religion and patriarchy worrying over the resource. That is the source of all life, which is the feminine, right. And what's the way to control the feminine are these, and are these expectations of how the woman is supposed to play her part in, in, in the world. And we've all adopted it to all sorts of degrees.

Speaker 1 (12:06):

And, you know, I think the most empowering thing that we can do is to wake up to our own conditioning. 100 is to wake up to yeah. To wake up to, well, is this the truth? Like, is there, because we know, we know in that, in that visceral, deep, connected level, we know when is not aligned. And when we're like, I mean, for me, my whole, my whole story, Catholic school confession, third grade, haven't done anything like this, doesn't, this doesn't feel right. I have to, I have to apologize or confess or claim that I, that I've sinned, that I'm a sinner I sinned for the child equals I'm a sinner for that mind. I sinned usually equals I'm a sinner, which is bad and wrong and shameful. Right. And shameful. And I remember thinking this doesn't make sense, Adam and Eve never made sense, not never made sense.

Speaker 1 (13:11):

What do you mean? The Eve came from the rib she was made from this is not like I just, we just know, but the conditioning is so strong. So as we wake up to our own conditioning, patriarchy, the rise of Christianity, the, the the word eludes me, the forcing down of the feminine and the, you know, the dominance and the power and the control. And, you know, men are also victims of patriarchy, completely victims of patriarchy. And not that, you know, this, I always want to preface this isn't man bashing. It's not that it's not what that is. It's just, it's just, we are living, we've all

Speaker 2 (13:54):

Been conditioned is a hundred percent, 100% of all, you know, consciously or unconsciously for the most part, accepted the suppression of those who came before us and their ideals and their values. Right. And not necessarily their highest values, but values that they were injected or high values that they hijacked from those who came before them. I mean, this is, you know, we're talking about centuries upon centuries of this. I mean, all the way back to there was a goddess culture, right. That's what Maria Gimbutas was unlocking and cattle hill yuck. There, there certainly was. And there's evidence of that partnership model or of you know, a model that was in the matriarchy. And, you know, we, I mean, we could certainly go into a whole dissertation about, about how balance will always find itself. Right. It will always, any time things are out of balance, the universe will find a way to course correct it.

Speaker 2 (15:01):

So maybe for as long as there was a matriarchy, the pendulum swung the other way to create balance with the patriarchy. All of that said, right. Or maybe it's because mother earth is, you know, the mass of all existence, right. The root and the core of all existence. And where does the patriarchy fit in the balance of that? So they injected themselves and in the style of misogyny, but, you know, neither here nor there, like balance is always looking to restore itself. And I think that that's why things like the me too movement become as newsworthy as they become, right. It it's, it's, it's a, or the black lives matter movement, which was so important. I mean, not to take it out of us, just talking about, you know, the, the plight of women, but I mean, my God, you know, another massively epic plate where balance needs to be restored, it was very unjust, unjust for a long time continue.

Speaker 2 (16:02):

So I think that there's a lot to be learned and gleaned from looking at where things are imbalanced and where the quality of your questions can improve so that we are living in alignment with our highest values. And what's true for us and not just living in our, our human nature, which is based in fear, you know, as human beings, we're like animals, we have to be right. We're looking for predator. We're looking for prey. Our existence is limited because we're in a physical body that has an expiration date. Whereas our soul is made of light, which is energy. It's neither created nor destroyed. It just changes form. So that enlightenment, that we're all seeking is our soul being an acronym for source of unconditional love. And where is that? W you know, spiritual nature when we're expressing and living through this human nature of ourselves, that's where the balance gets lost is when we're embodied in this human experience and not tapping the balance and the brilliance of our soul's deepest snowing.

Speaker 1 (17:12):

I'm in love with you. I just had to put that in there. I mean, it's just that it was, it just, it just came out and here's where I want you to go with this. So when you say embodied, I want you to talk about your, your experience with embodied movement, which I'm going I'm, you can correct me, but for those people listening, who don't necessarily know what this is, I'm going to dumb it down, and you're, you're gonna, you're gonna expand it out for us pole dancing. Okay. That's not what this is. And yet explain your history with embodied movement.

Speaker 2 (17:51):

Absolutely. So it was interesting. I worked in the entertainment industry for over a decade, working with, you know, A-list celebrities. And I was somebody who was very absorbed by that lifestyle. And I was getting plastic surgery, and I was going into massive amounts of debt, buying clothes on credit cards to keep up with the Joneses. And I was, you know, getting extensions in my hair and fake nails on, and like, you know, just doing everything that I could to play the Hollywood role at that time, granted that wasn't necessarily expected of me. It wasn't part of my job description, but it definitely, at that time in my life, I was, I was insecure. I was impressionable. I wanted to please everybody. I wanted to be liked. I wanted to get ahead. And so I did whatever I thought would help me get to that place, including put myself in a, you know, a financial disarray and carve my body into something on the outside that I thought might be more lovable on the inside, all of those things.

Speaker 2 (19:06):

Right. And while I was in that industry, dear friend of mine said, Hey, can you come? I've been taking this class for about a year. I'm in love with it. And I've been a dancer my whole life. And she's like, it's a dance space class, but it's actually pole dancing. But I think you'd really like it come with me. So I went with her and I will say that at the time, please I'm highlighting. And at the time, right, I did not see her as my sexy friend. I saw her as the friend that I could laugh with, cry, with, tell my deepest secrets to trust with, you know, my, my, I put my life in her hands, but I would never have called her my sexy friend. When we were at the club, I was the sexy one. Like, that's really how I saw it.

Speaker 2 (19:53):

And we took this class, this, you know, there's no mirrors, the lights are low. You're moving really slowly and sensually, and really listening to your body and allowing it to do whatever it needs to do to fully express itself or take its time, whatever. And I found it interesting, but the most interesting part was at the end, the, because my friend had brought me as a guest to this class because there was no lights. There were no mirrors. It was not your standard dance class. It was a lot of permission to move really slowly and centrally and listened to what your body needed and whatever else. And it was interesting. But the most interesting part was when the class was over, the girls who brought the guests in the current students were able to do a demonstration of their movement for their guests. And within the first 30 seconds of the music coming on, not even 30 seconds, three seconds of the music coming on and witnessing my friend, move in this totally owned and embodied and sensual way.

Speaker 2 (21:10):

I lost my mind. I never saw anything sexier on two legs in my life. And it was literally like the world just went and flipped completely upside down. And if I hadn't seen how sexy she was, if I had swallowed that lie for as long as I had, what other lies was I living? What else? Wasn't true that I had been assigning myself too. It was a moment unlike any other. And I pushed people out of my way. I like ran to the desk. I was like, I don't even care what it costs. I want to learn to be sexy. Like her that's real sexy and everything else was a sham. And I just, my eyes were opened. And that's when the flood gate of question, everything opened for me. And I started taking classes. And within a year I decided that I was going to become a teacher and halfway through teacher training.

Speaker 2 (22:14):

I was working for, you know, yet another household name who turned out to be a total, me too participant. And he had pulled a massive stunt on a massage therapist. And I said, I'm done. I'm done. And I, I said, I I'm, I'm going to leap and trust that the net will appear because the industry that I was leaving felt so soul sucking and the training that I was doing felt so soul fulfilling. I didn't know how I was going to pay the bills. You know I was making a very lush paycheck from the entertainment industry, but I just jumped and the net did appear because as soon as I ended teacher trading, I got a full-time job at that company beyond just teaching. I became the creative director of this massive global female empowerment company ended up becoming a master teacher and a trainer there.

Speaker 2 (23:07):

And you know, studied intensely there for about a decade and ended up that my values and the values of the company. It became very clear that they weren't aligned talk about really listening to your inner value system. So as much as I learned from that place, I also learned almost more from seeing what there didn't fit in alignment with me. And I went and got all of that education and then opened really a practice that had all the parts and pieces that were really true for me. And what I believed was possible for women.

Speaker 1 (23:48):

I love that you like it, it was like full body awakening in that moment because you see your friend and one of the things you said, and I'm going to paraphrase it, but almost like, what else, what else have I been judging or condemning or labeling or whatever it is that we do and

Speaker 2 (24:08):

Been believing and regurgitating,

Speaker 1 (24:12):

But that you knew that you knew in that moment, because I don't think, I don't know Alexis that, I don't know if that's necessarily a common, you know, the ego strong, the ego wants to be like, oh, well, she, this is this. I'm just going to be honest, like my ego threatened. Well, I already know in that situation, I would have felt threatened. Like she's better than me. And I, it would have been like, oh, well, whatever I would have, I don't think I would have had the same reaction. So how profound that, that was a awakening type moment for

Speaker 2 (24:46):

You. Something really important in, in regards to the plight of the feminine, right? Because so many people would use this as an example. I would be teaching, let's say an introductory class, and there would be all sorts of women that would show up women that were terrified to be there. Women that were judging the other women who were excited to be there women that came there for this reason versus that reason women who would just giggle because they were so embarrassed. I mean, you got every type of woman, you know, women who had been traumatized and were showing up into a space of, you know, sexual permission and freedom and, and all of these things. And there was just a flood gate of tears there. We saw so many exquisite women walk through that door bringing whatever let's say, you know, patriarchal or misogynistic baggage into that space.

Speaker 2 (25:46):

And having to confront that just by walking in the door was massive, let alone getting them into the practice of becoming embodied and, and owning their sensuality and their sexuality and the emotionality that comes alive with that. Right. So it's all because of the conditioning, it's all because of the conditioning, right? So because we live in a patriarchy. So, so that female empowerment company that I worked at the founder had a premise that she called the campfire premise. And she talked about how we all live around this patriarchal campfire, and that the, the, at the closest to the flame is where the heat is. It's where the cold beverages are. It's where the fresh hot food is, right. It's, it's just, that's the place to be, right? All your needs are met there. You're not just surviving there. You're thriving there. And it's all men because it's the patriarchy campfire.

Speaker 2 (26:51):

And there are a few women at the center of that. And they're either women who have, you know, many manned up or women who have gotten up there on the arm of a man. And as the concentric circles spread farther out from the flame. Now you have the women who are fighting each other to get to the center who are fighting over the scraps of food that are being thrown back to the outer rims of the circle, right? So women are not your compliment. They're your competition. And part of this premise, or this theory, or this philosophy was that women don't realize that there's another campfire, just a short distance through the dark scary woods. Yes. But it is there. And it has everything that the masculine campfire has and that we can all dance back and forth between these two campfires and enjoy each other. And women be the compliment to women and to men. And there doesn't need to be an imbalance or a competition or a contrast or a conflict. And so it was the purpose of that, that that company, or that mission was to lead women, to this other campfire, to know their own abundance, to know their own power, to know that we could celebrate and elevate one another and not have to tear each other down.

Speaker 1 (28:14):

Mm mm. I think about, you know, even when I asked Alexis to be on this podcast, and I'm talking about this on the, on the new, the new name, I'm talking about that, that, that I changed the name seven interviews in, from the, the sweat, the princess to sacred AAF, and, you know, simply because we get to have all that conversation and, and, and the next level deeper, it's always going to be the next level deeper with me and with you. I can already, I already, I, I feel you. And what you're speaking to. I mean, I have these visceral memories from high school, from, from junior high school of w you know, I don't want to be the and I don't want to be the slot and I don't want to be just whatever it, whatever it was. I don't want to be the pretty girl, the stuck up girl. I don't want to be like, just feeling so much pressure as a young girl on who I couldn't be and what wasn't possible for me and what I was avoiding or so fearful of being called, being labeled like this is, we learned this so early, we learn it.

Speaker 2 (29:29):

Oh yeah. I mean, you're just, you know, a little girl running around twirling, her skirt, and you're told, close your legs, keep your skirt down. Next time you need to wear shorts. Right? I mean, a little girl at a pool is told you have to put your top on and a little boy isn't, your body is inherently offensive in a way that his isn't shameful in a way that his isn't isn't accepted in a way that his isn't. And that is, you know, just one tiny little example of all the different ways, right? God forbid, there's a wardrobe malfunction on the Superbowl. God forbid, someone sees, you know, a nipple, that's the source of life, right. For babies entering the world. It's so offensive. God forbid, oh my God, the backlash. Right. but then you have Adam Levine take off his shirt at the super bowl. And everybody's just beside themselves with joy and excitement. And wow. Look at that. Look at those nipples. Those are great.

Speaker 1 (30:40):

They are great. And so our Janet Jackson, and so our mind, and so are yours. Yeah. I do want to say this because it comes up for me. There is this place, and I don't know what it is yet, because I think this isn't, this isn't, this is one of the next frontiers for me personally, there is a place where I don't feel safe right out in the world. I know what can be taken. I know that it's not safe for me. What's what is so even imagining being, I took dance classes. I dance when I was a kid. And then I got really self conscious of my body. I wonder why. And I took a C, I was like, I gotta get back to dance. And I took a dance class in college and all I could look at where my, the imperfections in my body and how thick my thighs were and how I did couldn't and I just stopped.

Speaker 1 (31:36):

I just stopped. And I think this would be such a great I'm committing to you right now. I'm committing to you right now that I'm going to do this. Okay. Yeah. I'm doing this. Yeah. I'm going to take a class. I love it because it scares the out of me. But then I know this is a part of my own reclamation. So my question to you is how do we do these things or feel these things were experienced these things, and also feel safe just for whatever reason it's coming up. How do I be my sexual full self and not feel like I'm calling it in because that's conditioning as well. Like, you're you called it in? You asked for it. Oh, well, your skirt was a little too short. I mean, it's so fricking there it's so there, and I'm conscious of it. So how do we, what's the process?

Speaker 2 (32:33):

What I believe the process is, is multifold, right? First is just understanding that whatever you don't own will own you own it or someone or something else. Well, okay. So it's starting with a real understanding that, you know, power is, is, is going to be held. Is it going to be held by you and, and your authentic truth in your highest values, or is it going to be held elsewhere? So it's about really coming to terms with the power that you have to create your reality and understanding that you have a choice, you know, with great power comes great responsibility. You have a choice to accept that the power is yours, because you can't be, it can't necessarily really, truly be given away. I can't change the way you think. I can't change the choices that you make. Nobody can, right. That's down to you. That is a power that cannot be hijacked. It can't be tampered with you. Can't give it away. Even if you want to like that is yours. But the question is, if you don't take ownership over that power, something else inside of you or outside of you, is going to use that power in a way that may or may not serve you in your highest values. So that's the first step.

Speaker 1 (34:07):

Yeah. Yeah. So my quest, so one of the questions I wanted to ask you, and it feels like we're leading into this because you just gave me the first step. So for women to reclaim all parts of themselves, even the ones we are conditioned to believe are bad, immoral, or wrong, what is required

Speaker 2 (34:24):

In order to take ownership over those things.

Speaker 1 (34:27):

Yeah. In order for us to reclaim all parts, all parts of ourselves.

Speaker 2 (34:33):

Well, it's to understand that there is inherently nothing that you have done or not done, nothing that you are or not, or not, or are not that isn't lovable. So if you look at an infant, I'm sure every one of us has been in the presence of an infant at some point in our lives. Right. Not you as an infant, because you don't remember that, but a time that you as an adult have been around an infant, right. Would you ever look at that infant and say that there's anything about them? That isn't lovable. Absolutely. Perfect. No, right now, picture that incentivize a little five-year-old. Is there anything that they could do or not do that wouldn't be worthy of love according to who? According to anybody. Right? Because a little five-year-old is completely innocent, right? They're full of hope. They're full of dreams.

Speaker 2 (35:36):

They're full of, you know, they may have been conditioned to do certain things, but there's still that infant. There's nothing about any human being that isn't inherently lovable in the totality of who they are. Right. They may take on behaviors or engage in certain actions. Right. That, and this is part of the Dimartini method that other people might judge, but that's a perception. Right? So as an example, I'm going to take it to an extreme and kind of like go on a little bit of a diatribe here. But you know, there are some people that would look, let's say at, you know, somebody got murdered, you know, and one person who really loved the guy that got murdered would go, oh my God, this is like the worst thing ever. I loved him so much. Like, I'm so sad. I'm grieving the loss of this human being and somebody else is going to go, thank God, he's dead. He was such a piece of. Right. So everybody has their opportunity to judge. But at the root of that person is an infant who can't, you can't outgrow your value, whether or not you're, you know, somebody's going to judge it or not judge it. It's very easy to do it to an infant because they're powerless and they don't have resources and all of those things. But just because we get bigger, doesn't mean our value fluctuates.

Speaker 1 (37:08):

Hmm. But we are conditioned otherwise

Speaker 2 (37:10):

Aren't we? Yes, we are. But that's the matrix that we're trying to dissolve. Right. Right. Because I can tell you right now, I don't care what my son does in his life. I'm always going to love him unconditionally. There's nothing he could do or not do that would make him unworthy of my love. Right. And whether that's bias or not, by like that is, it doesn't actually matter because his value doesn't change in, in the eyes of I, as his mother is my truth. More important than somebody else's that he may hurt. No. Right. But those are all judgements. That's not universal truth. I know that's kind of like a big concept.

Speaker 1 (37:46):

Right? Fricking love it. Yeah. But

Speaker 2 (37:49):

Anyway, I digress. So coming back to, you know, how do we do this? We do it by understanding that there's nothing about us, that isn't inherently lovable. Okay. So whether you are showing up in a certain moment as the Saint or the center, if you're showing up as the Virgin or the, there is nothing about anything that you can do or not do that. Isn't worthy of love. Whether it's have sex with, with 10 guys in a night or never have sex in your whole life, you are worthy of love. And if in one minute, you're the that's going for it, going for it, going for it. I don't like the word slept, but I'm just using it right. Going for it with a guy. And then all of a sudden through you say no, and you want to go back to being a Virgin. Then there is nothing about your value that has changed. There is nothing about you that has created a scenario that is you have done everything that you can in your power, on your side of the street. And anything that happens beyond that has nothing to do with you.

Speaker 1 (38:55):

Hmm. You said you don't like the word. Tell me why.

Speaker 2 (38:59):

Because it's filled with judgment. Totally. You know, it's, it's such a judgmental shadow that's being cast and the light is completely absent. That's inherent to any shadow.

Speaker 1 (39:14):

So for me, I just always I'll share. My kind of coming of age with my own sexuality was a whole lot of sluttiness. And I purposely chose that as, as a, as a self-expression, as a wait a minute, men can do this sleep with whoever they want, however many partners they want in whatever ways they want. Okay. I'm going to own, I used to say, I used to say with my friends, I'm going to slutting it up tough. I'm slutting it up. Tough because to me, why the not, I mean, you can

Speaker 2 (39:49):

Be sexual and not be a, right? Has a connotation of a judgment to it.

Speaker 1 (39:56):

But if I don't judge it, don't

Speaker 2 (39:59):

What is the definition of a? Right? It's come somewhere. The Tory place, right. That definition came from a derogatory place. It didn't come from a, I enjoy sex. I'm sexually active. I'm empowered and being sexually active and people appreciate and celebrate me for being sexually active. Right. is a judgment against someone who's sexually active and highly engaged in sexual activity. Right. That's not someone who's celebrated for doing it is someone who is shamed for doing it.

Speaker 1 (40:33):

Yeah. Yeah. My point is great. I like, there's no shame over here. So I don't accept. I mean, I don't accept your shame cause your shame doesn't make sense to me. This word doesn't make sense to me when it's, it's it's unequal in, in men and women. So

Speaker 2 (40:52):

Coming up with a new word, that's not some word that was made up in a D for a derogatory reason and create a whole new word for someone who is sexually empowered and enjoying it and is celebrated and elevated in expressing themselves that way and owning it

Speaker 1 (41:09):

Well. Yeah. And that's what we get to do. That's what we get to continue to do is redefine yeah. System disrupting rule, breaking rule, breaking all of it,

Speaker 2 (41:20):

Whose rules, right. Again, to the quality of our questions. Right?

Speaker 1 (41:23):

Exactly. Exactly. Well, let's, I mean, we've had this whole conversation today about patriarchy. I mean question everything, because you, we have been conditioned to believe LA LA you know, lots of lies. Lots of lies. All right. We have to wrap it up. Are you kidding me right now? I'm like, no, I don't want to

Speaker 2 (41:46):

Be five minutes ago. You

Speaker 1 (41:48):

Know what, who cares? Who cares? I don't want to have to, I don't want to have to wrap it up. Okay. What, I'm going to ask you three to two more questions. What are your top three values? And I'll tell you the other one after you.

Speaker 2 (42:00):

Yeah. Okay. top three values. My first top value is connection. I am somebody that just arrives in connection. My second top value is it's a tie between teaching and learning. Oh, interesting. Yeah. Wow. And my third top value is, I mean, when I say connection, that also means family. Just, just so you know. So I'm not like leaving my family out of this list. And my third top value is finance money. Got it. Yup. Yup. I have a really long love story. Complicated history, turned love story with finance.

Speaker 1 (42:52):

Got it. Got it. And this week I could have you back on Alexis because I mean, th the here's, here's the, you know, it's so funny cause it's like, I think one of the deepest conditioning, like the deepest deep, the most deeply rooted conditioning is the having to choose the, if I choose this, then it couldn't possibly be this. If I'm rich, I can't be a good person. If I'm sexually fully self-expressed I can't be a good mother. I'm just coming. I'm just off the top of my head. So these are the places where women, in my experience, the women I work with are like, I'm stuck. You're not stuck. You're afraid you are so scared of this conditioning that you ha you are going to have to what's required from my perspective. I think you might agree confronting the conditioning, looking at it, being able to say, well, wait a minute, does this serve me? Does this serve humanity? Does this serve women? Does this serve the planet? Like, are we thriving here? Right.

Speaker 2 (43:56):

A hundred percent. And you know, money is energy. It's a resource like anything else. And you're right. There is a lot of conditioning around that. And a lot of that I've had to overcome. And no, no coincidence that I married a financial advisor by the way to, to help me really lead lean into that curriculum for my life. But yeah, I think that there's a lot to be said for the stuckness and how really what it is is self-sabotage, that's, what's stuck is it's. And that fear shows up in the form of self-sabotage and it keeps us from having a life that is fulfilled which is funny. Like I literally just put out a webinar and a 21 day challenge called reinventing you. You're going to talk about that because it's literally about that exact thing. It's about where are you stuck because you are self-sabotaging and how do you break that pattern and reinvent yourself? Because there's absolutely no reason that anyone on this planet should not be living a life of total fulfillment. I really believe that.

Speaker 1 (45:04):

Yes. So your free webinar called see you later, sabotage is available for listeners. We will have the link in the show notes and also on the website. Yeah. And also your 21 day challenge called reinventing you, which is basically a program designed to do this right. To, to break through the self-sabotage.

Speaker 2 (45:31):

Yes. And everything's in there from, you know, another thing that I was going to say to you earlier about, you know, you saying, well, where could I cultivate movement and all of those things and feel safe. Another master teacher and I who are soul sisters and work together for that decade. And, and then some created a movement practice called free body. That's about to launch. And I say that just to put a bug in your ear of, you know, finding spaces where you can work through in small steps, what it is that's going to serve you of coming back into the fullness of what it is to be alive in a feminine body takes, takes care and takes, ease, and takes grace in that process. And and also really finding those spaces and those, you know, guiding voices that are really going to serve that process.

Speaker 1 (46:31):

So good. I literally, I might have to just bring me back. So free body.

Speaker 2 (46:37):

Yeah. It's called the free body practice.

Speaker 1 (46:40):

Okay. So once this, you know, once this launches we'll have to I'm, I'm put me on your list on your list and we'll, we'll throw a link as well, once that is live. And is there anything else? This is my last question. Is there anything else you want to leave our listeners with about anything we've talked about or something we may not have talked about today?

Speaker 2 (47:04):

I mean, I would really just say that you are the creator of your worlds. You can be proactive and create the world and the life that you want, or you can be reactive and just report to the world as it shows up on your doorstep. But I would really encourage the former again, it kind of circles back to that own it, or it will own you. And if, if, if you want to be the change, you have to be the judge.

Speaker 1 (47:38):

Alexis, thank you so much. There will definitely be a part two. I don't care.

Speaker 3 (47:42):

This is, this conversation is continuing, just getting started.

Speaker 1 (47:47):

Thank you. I love the work you do. This is, you know, I have, I have been saying for, well over a decade in the work that I do, women are going to heal the world. It is this energetic, the energy of the feminine and reclaiming it and really getting back in touch with it. That is going to be so healing for the planet individually. We are all responsible and in doing our own work, we get to heal out there

Speaker 2 (48:16):

In the world, electively as important to come together. Yes.

Speaker 1 (48:21):

Thank you for being here. For those of you listening, you can find Alexis website and her Instagram in the notes as well. We will see you next time. Thanks guys. Bye.