S2:E3 Power of the P#SSY!

In this episode, I share the 3 things that converged in the span of a few weeks to catapult my into new levels of breakthrough around my inherent power.

I share how the SEXUAL POWER of women is NOT about sex.

It's about our relationship with ourselves and our sexuality.  How we view this part of ourselves informs SOOOO many other (unrelated but everything is related) areas of our lives... money, work, purpose, health - EVERYTHING.

When we can OPEN UP this area within ourselves and FOR ourselves, motherfucking magic and miracles are possible.

Links/people I refer to in this episode:

Taylor Simpson on IG  and her Wild Woman Retreat

Bibi Brzozka on IG

PUSSY, A Reclamation by Regena Thomashouer (book)

Transcript

00:00.00
kristenlena
Hello hello my sacred as fuck podcast listeners possibly viewers hello if you're watching on Youtube how is everyone? I'll tell you how I am. The title of this podcast episode probably tells you how I am a little bit. Um I've never really liked this word. It always felt dirty disrespectful.

00:34.20
kristenlena
Just gross like gross and this episode is all about um the reclamation that I'm having with my pussy and the word. Itself and why and how this all came about how this is it's not like it's like I'm done I I feel like I'm just getting started but I want to talk about 3 things 3 I feel like when things occur in my life and they happen like. Like on a quantum level I feel like it usually comes in like like 3 things kind of like Anchor Anchor the thing in so 3 events 3 whatever it it the the times that I've had the biggest like. Downloads or breakthroughs and really gotten something so powerful out of it. It usually comes in threes. So. The first thing was that i. Have realized if you've if you've listened to any of my most recent episodes I'm in as I come out of my 19 year relationship with my soon to be ex-husband as I come out of that I've realized how much trauma.

02:02.36
kristenlena
Occurred for me when I lost my virginity to my boyfriend and that that occurrence that incident is was categorized as rape. So when I lost my virginity at 15 to my boyfriend. He essentially took it and the the ince the incident it would be defined as rape. What occurred after I didn't know that at the time I didn't understand that at the time I didn't actually get that until probably four or five years ago a friend of mine who was a sex addict so really knows a lot about. Sexual trauma she ah I told her the I told her the story of how I lost my virginity and she looked at me. She was Kristen that was that's rape and I was like what he was my boyfriend so it didn't register as that and it most definitely was so from that time at 15 every relationship that I had ever been in after that was an avoidance of being taken advantage of in that way and I lumped up strong masculine alpha dominant muscular men as the ones that.

03:33.25
kristenlena
I was never going to be in a relationship with and so as I'm on the other almost on the other side of my 19 year relationship with my soon to be ex-husband I can see all of the ways that the sexual trauma. Fucked up that relationship and not just this one but everyone every everyone since I was 15 and I've talked about this in more in in episodes in in my paid podcast which is the sacred as fuck down and dirty podcast. That's the one where I share the lessons that I'm learning through. This sexual reclamation that I'm in called fucking online dating. It could just be called fucking but I share because I'm learning all kinds of stuff I'm learning how. How that sexual trauma has impacted everything up until now we don't we don't realize it because it's back. It's in the background. It's subconscious. It's unconscious and until we make it conscious. We can't do anything about it when it's in a blind spot and we don't see it. We don't see it. We can't do anything about it. So when I was getting to this point where I realized that I had this really deep wound around alpha male dominant masculine men which is what I desire I strongly crave and desire to be with a very masculine strong.

05:08.53
kristenlena
Manly muscular physically strong man I I always desired that and I desire it as much as I fear it. That's a mind fuck right? there. So as i'm. As I'm diving into this trauma and and looking to heal it I sought out some some coaches and 1 of the coaches that I that I talked to um is a guy named Johnny L Sasser and he is a masculinity He's a men's coach. He does wild man retreats and he's ex-military. He's just just ah, just a beautiful sola so I've been following him on Instagram for a while probably six months or so. And I reached out to him and I started having these conversations with men because I'm like I really want to heal this I have been so afraid of men I would I don't work with men I avoid avoided men like I can plague because I was terrified terrified of men and so. I reached out to him and we got on a call and I'm telling him like hey I have this sexual trauma and it's created you know this this fear of being feminine and vulnerable and also this overly masculineized way of being that I've been for so long I don't even I didn't even.

06:31.12
kristenlena
Was just I was just like it's just who I am that's just how I am but it so overly masculinized that I couldn't possibly attract. Ah a masculine man so we talked to we got on this call and he's telling me about what it looks like to work with him and he goes but you know I think I should connect you with my wife. She's doing this retreat. Called the wild woman retreat and no, no, no, he actually was going to refer me to another retreat that she was doing in December I was like yeah cool I'd love to talk to her so he connected me with her her name's Taylor Simpson and where we chatted over dm. And I told her exactly what was occurring. She was oh no, no, no, no, not the December retreat the October retreat for sure and I mean at this point it's like end of August she's like October tenth through the sixteenth the wild woman retreat this is where we go into all the female archetypes and we do massive amounts of healing and I was like. Oh shit oh shit. So my focus was well I need to heal the masculine and I also need to heal the feminine because it's never felt safe for me to be soft or trusting or vulnerable or open or receptive all of the feminine qualities. About receiving have always felt very scary and threatening to me so I decided to join and so I did that retreat but before that um.

08:06.21
kristenlena
Also she also actually um, suggested her her mastermind program which is called untamed and I didn't even know anything about it I was like yeah great Awesome. So in that in that container before I actually went to the retreat I started to. Consume her wisdom consume her knowledge and she talk she teaches embodiment so she teaches the power of embodiment as. As a healing I mean this is these are my words, not her words but like how I would describe her work is she really teaches the power of embodiment as a sacred business practice like the majority of women in that container are entrepreneurs. And she teaches what it looks like to embody the things that we desire so I had gone through 1 or 2 of her workshops and was like holy fuck this is what she offers in this untamed container. And I started to open up and I started to tap into the power of my sensuality. So I what keeps coming what keeps coming up for me is this isn't about sex.

09:37.75
kristenlena
The power of the pussy is not about Sex. It's about a woman's Creative center and if we have trauma associated with our sexuality. So if you have sexual trauma. No Wonder. We can't receive No wonder it's not safe for us to open up. It was never safe for me to open myself up to receive receive from a man receive money receive compliments. Receive when you block off when you say I'm not I'm I'm not open for business I don't mean sex I'm just saying when we close ourselves off which is what I did decided to be really tough, really strong. Really masculine. Because no one was going to fuck me over the way he fucked me over no one was going to do that Again. I'll fuck you before you fuck me and that was my attitude for 36 years in every relationship unbeknownst to me in the background unconscious subconsciously I will dominate you I will choose men that feel at least. Emotionally. Safe that I know that I can dominate in some way. It is again. Not a conscious decision but that I feel safe with that I don't think are going to overpower me and and hurt me when I do when you when we do that as women.

11:10.48
kristenlena
We turn off the power of of our receptivity. We turn off our creative abilities or we greatly mute we we dim down we kind of I ignore that part of me and focus just on driving. And doing rather than allowing and receiving and being that felt the most that felt like the most threatening thing that I could do to open myself up again to be vulnerable and soft and feminine. Felt like a weakness so she created she she created this amazing space at this retreat but she created an amazing space in her untamed program and she brings speakers in or she cheats she teaches and then she does an embodiment practice and it really is getting into your body feeling. Dancing moving to music maybe touching yourself I mean ah it wasn't necessarily that wasn't necessarily it but just really really connecting with the sacral center the womb that power center that's within. All of us that really is the creativity Passion Imagination Center for women. It's where we create life for Fuck's sake I create fucking Human beings Yo like women are just fucking next level.

12:45.32
kristenlena
And when I turn that off I Also turn off these other these other avenues of receiving and so as I'm turning them back on for myself as I'm creating safety within my own body as I'm. Healing the trauma from my past as I'm doing all this work I know I'm creating a space to be receptive to receive abundance money. Love nurturing care Support. All the things that we desire all the things that we want so Badly. So She puts me in her container her untamed container and I'm just like mind is fucking starting to be blown open. And I start really diving into I start buying sexy like like lingerie and I don't I'm not wearing it anywhere but I'm I'm connecting with my own body I'm connecting with my own sensuality. My own sexuality. Whether it ends in Orgasm or not isn't the point. The point is I'm learning how to feel safe being sensual being open in my body and it's like blowing my mind and then I go to the retreat and the retreat was just like.

14:14.79
kristenlena
I'm going to I'm going to probably have a couple of episodes probably more so over on the down and dirty where I actually share a little bit more and I'm not trying to give away what she what she delivers um because that wouldn't be fair. It. It's experiential right? There's no way for me to describe in words what I experienced in body I could try but it wouldn't do Justice and I know that as someone who holds containers as well. Um, but I do want to. Share the essence of the healing that occurred for me like the healing that was just next level go to the retreat have this massive massive fucking opening really I was going to say awakening but it was more. And opening opening myself up and even to say that word to say you know soften or open or receive up until very recently that felt really scary when we're open. When we're Vulnerable. We can be hurt but we can also be hurt when we are not open. It's not like the closing off eliminates eliminates pain.

15:46.20
kristenlena
But it does eliminate receiving and for fuck's sake I'm here to receive all the goodness all the goodness that life has to offer I'm a fuck yes for it and the only way for me to receive that is to be open to receiving it. So go to the retreat have this massive massive fucking opening in my heart. My body just I soften like I mean people were just like holy shit, you just look different I lost £4 and like I lost like £4 being there for ten days eating all the foods that I try to avoid you like they are great foods just Costa Rica is just fucking like ah, a magical fucking fairy zone. It's just it's just next level magical the land itself the land the people are just they're on a different I believe they're on a different plane. It was fucking amazing lost £4 you know, just just had just an amazing I'll be sharing pictures and photos and experiences and promoting the shit out of this retreat because really. Like every woman needs to to give this to herself every fucking woman needs to experience what it's like to feel safe in your body to feel receptive in your body to feel sensual and turned on in your body.

17:18.87
kristenlena
When we are turned on I don't just mean in our pussy when we are turned on by life by experiences by people by money by sex by. The vast like the vastness of life. It's everything there is There is a quote going around the retreat a well fucked woman can rule the world or something like that. It's something like. A well-fucked woman is invincible or can can and it here's what I'll tell you about my my beliefs about my own sexuality before starting to do this work is that my sexuality and my sexiness was over there with another person. I wasn't responsible for it if you found me attractive and sexy and you wanted to you wanted to do this. It was up to you I didn't have any I didn't have any fucking ownership of my sexuality and when you don't have ownership of it. It's dependent on some fucking one else. It's dependent on someone else, you're going to be fucking unfulfilled for a long Time. So as I've been going through this process shit has just just opened up So I go to the retreat come back from the retreat just in this fucking massive Gooey soft.

18:47.11
kristenlena
Glowing vulnerable just essence and then like the like two days later there's a I'm gonna get her name and I'm gonna tag her I'll have um I'll have it. There will be. In the show notes for this episode. There will be a tag to um Taylor's retreat her work her Instagram as well as let me just look this up because this woman that she brought in.

19:19.50
kristenlena
Her name's Beebe Buraska she's a holistic sex and pleasure coach. So we get back and like we get back from the retreat and two days later she brings this woman bebe in to do a workshop. And the workshop was to teach us about the pussy like she she like shares her screen. We're all on Zoome and she's sharing all of the spots on the outside of the pussy that's like and I'm using the word pussy on purpose and I'll explain. Why I'm using that word in a moment because retreat was the first thing this workshop with Bb was the second thing and then I'll share the the third thing when I get there so bb starts to to educate this group of women. About the orogenous pleasure centers a set. Not even including the clitoris talked about the g spot and then the clitteral legs which go down the the the lips of the vagina lips of the pussy like the inner I mean like. And I'm like this I'm fifty fucking two years old and I'm like I just meeting my pussy for the first time like holy shit I'm so sorry that I've been ignoring you for like all of these and and how to actually you know, get your pussy to a point where it.

20:56.72
kristenlena
Is ready and open which takes some time right? and I'm like oh my gosh how how many times have I just been like just just fuck me just stick it in right? Just let's just get to the good part. Let's just get to the orgasm. Oh my god I'm I am I have so much to learn and experiment with. Holy shit. So she does this training and she's got pictures. She's sharing and she's like these spots right here and I'm like oh my god and then we do an embodiment practice which basically means we all turn our videos off of Zoom. And we get into positions and we start being with our anatomy. We start investigating and discovering and she's kind of teaching us and talking us through here's where I want you to touch yourself and this and that and this and that she's like there's no where to get to. Like there's no, you are you are literally in this space of just discovering what these parts of your body feel like when they're touched when they're massaged when you actually know about them. And she's like finally ah, kind of towards the end of the embodiment practice which is us all kind of investigating and exploring and experimenting with our own pussies. Actually if you would like to end in orgasm and you're there feel free if you're not close or you're not there. Don't worry about it.

22:25.22
kristenlena
Well I did holy shitballs that was like it was a mate. It was amazing. It was like I'd never when you don't know you don't know when you don't know you don't know now I know holy fuck do I know. So she does this. She does this deep deep work with women around. This is our power center so is it about sex. Yes, because those are her sex organs. Yes, these are the parts that are involved in our sexuality in our sexual experiences. And also our womb is a powerful powerful center for creativity imagination creation receiving wealth like so that was number 2 retreat though. Workshop and embodiment practice with Beebe and then the third thing I'm just going to share because ah this is this is like they're really I mean this was just the 1 thing like.

23:39.67
kristenlena
Is this book. So if you're if you're watching me on on Youtube I'm holding up my phone with my audible book of pussy a reclamation. This is by Regina Thomas Hour also known as mamaina. And now I've heard of this book for years I've heard of this book. Multiple women have said you have to you have to read this book. You have to read it. You have to read it so and it came up again on the retreat. So instance number one the retreat instance number 2 the workshop. And the embodiment practice with Beebe incident number 3 me reading pussy I'm on chapter 2 and my mind is fucking my mind and my pussy is blown wide open and the reason why I'm just going to explain why she uses the word pussy because. Even me saying it is like it. It's there's there's shame around it. We use. This word is used to vilify men to demean men if another a man calls another man a pussy. he's a He's weak he's weak and you know i. I have thought ah so much about the shame that I've had around my own masturbation from but from the youngest age possible like when I was like 12 probably 12 thirteen fourteen I masturbated or thought about masturbating all the time thought there was something wrong with me thought it was wrong. Hit it.

25:09.70
kristenlena
You know felt awful about it would do it and then would feel dirty like and I mean that's a shame but this is this is these are the paradigms that we that we're breaking at the current moment. These are the paradigms that. Get to fall away because when a woman when a woman understands the power of her own womb her sexuality her pussy the power that is inherent in our so Creativity Center the center of creation of fucking life when we get connected to that. Not. From a place of sex but from a place of like this is this is this like Love Center when we get connected to that We are unstoppable fucking invincible. That's how I feel right now and it has nothing to do with sex sex is phenomenal. But I've been like. I've been like on the surface of sex my whole life now as I'm going into this process of owning owning my power from this place owning my pussy healing sexual trauma I'm like I get it now I get it now. Here's what I want to say about the word Pussy. She talks about you know we use this anatomical word word called Vagina Vagina is actually just the the tube inside right? The tube the vaginal Canal. It's the tube. It's the canal that babies have come through.

26:44.81
kristenlena
Our period blood comes through like it's a canal that is not the totality of this organ which includes the uterus includes the cervix includes the ovaries includes all of the outside includes the g spot on the inside I mean this is a magical. The power that we hold is fucking nuts. It's fucking nuts and the reason why here's my big old soapbox moment. The reason why the patriarchy started to shame this area and make it dirty and make it wrong. And make sexuality dirty and wrong is because they knew the power of a turned on fucking woman. They knew women were revered for the power that we hold here for like 30000 years she talks about you know she she does a lot of in the book. She does a lot of history of. You know, patriarchy and female sexuality and the shame that's associated with all of the things that occur in this in our pussies like periods like masturbation like sex. So the book is phenomenal. She says that she uses the word pussy because it and it encompasses more than just the word like what the word vagina does. She's like I could use the word vulva but that's just the outer parts. It doesn't really encapsulate There's there's no word for her other than pussy.

28:14.91
kristenlena
That really is the totality of this area in a woman's body and I'm reading it and like light bulbs and connections and eyes are dotted and teaser cross and I'm connecting these dots and I'm just like so here's the trifecta the retreat. Workshop with Beebe and me reading this book and I'm like it's fucking on it's on not for sex's sake. It's on because this is a power center that when all women understand the power of their pussy.

28:52.77
kristenlena
Honestly, like world fucking changing this may sound dramatic to you but I I implore you to start to ask yourself questions about how you feel just how you feel about. Your own pussy about your this part of your body does me saying the word pussy give you a little ah hate that word because I did for Forever Forever. We had a family word that we used for the private parts. All the little. Ways that we like cover up make it nice. She even talks about the word Yoni She's like I don't I'm not I'm not I don't speak sanskrit. It doesn't resonate for me. So I use the word pussy and I'm like fuck. It's fucking. Ah, it's fucking next level. Questioning just question your beliefs about this question question fucking everything Please if you follow me at all, you know that's fucking what I do so a couple ah win the when.

30:03.93
kristenlena
When the wop song came out I have to I have to relate this because I wanted to share about this when the wop song came out if you all don't know what wop is it's Wap it's a song ah that came out by cardi b a couple years ago when it came out my husband brought it to me and he played it. He. Played it for me and I was all first of all I hated I don't hate anybody but I did I didn't like cardi beaks I thought she she bit off nickki minaj I was like she sounds exactly like Nicki Minaj like you're you know you're a poser you're you know you're a steeler you stole Nickki Minaj's vibe. Because she sounds to me. She sounds just like Nicki Minaj and I love Nicki Minaj so when I heard it I was like why she got to talk about her what wop stands for wet ass pussy Mike Gross I fuck I get it now fucking get it now we played that song on our drive from the airport to the retreat center in Costa Rica and I was because it's on a playlist of mine that I just fucking love on ah on Apple music and it I was like I get it now I get it now when we own it. When we own it we are empowered when it's used as a weapon against us when it's used as like ah a vilification or a degradation or um, a dig against a woman which is which is what it's been used for for a really long time.

31:36.21
kristenlena
It's dirty. It's shameful. They win when we use it. We win when I own my pussy and the power the power that I have from this part of my body body physically but also etheric body my spiritual body. My energetic body. This is where creation happens women mother fucking create life. We fucking create life and the patriarchy knew this right like the power the people in power the men in power knew how new. How powerful this force was and now we get to know how powerful it is and we get to reclaim it so this is my journey. This is my journey and I'm going to put links to the fucking book the retreat. Taylor's Instagram Bb's Instagram um, so that you know I share I share the goodness and I share what's been impactful for me and what is opening me up what is opening me up and I don't know if I can actually. Communicate with words what I'm what I'm realizing and getting like what I'm getting on a on a deep level about the power of this center I feel like for a long time.

33:14.35
kristenlena
For me personally sex was something that I could wield if that makes sense like I could control who I fucked in when I fucked them like and and and I could um I could control another person's pleasure. Or I could hold onto it like I could restrict and say no, you don't get it and like all of that. That's that's bullshit ego ego stuff when I actually get the power. And the the mag the magnetism of a woman's sexual like a woman's sexuality I got it and you guys I went to after the retreat I mean everyone you know at the she was like my gosh you're so soft. You're wellll, you're all these things because I was just settled into. This receptivity this openness this this this soft feminine way and we go to a restaurant like the next day and I just looked at the waiter and I was like I just ah gazed into his eyes not because he was attractive or anything else but like was just. Being with him and viewing masculinity in this new way. Not as threatening not as threatening but as beautiful like masculinity is just fucking gorgeous I highly desire it. It's it's.

34:50.32
kristenlena
And strong and it's beautiful and oh I love it and when I could just be with this man standing over me wanting to serve me and wait on me and receive his. Servitude receive his ability to serve me in that way. It was like the juiciest interaction and by the end of the of brunch he was like your eyes in your mouth and you're beautiful and can I follow you on Instagram and I was like yeah. Absolutely and normally what I do in situations like that is I get coy and I kind of get shy because I don't want to send the wrong message I don't want to I don't want to be responsible for sending a mixed message because then that's on that's on me I sent the mixed message fucking fucked up what women have had to deal with around their sexuality around what we wear around how we interact around how sexual we are or aren't. Just so much to unpack I can't even like this is like scratching the fucking surface is the top of the iceberg here. So I'm going to wrap this up by saying um I did have an experience um I did have an experience in Costa Rica where i.

36:21.69
kristenlena
Met up with someone and was going to spend my last two days with him and how that actually went so I'm going to share that on the down and dirty. So I keep the down and dirty a paid podcast because these are. Intimate details that I share I also share not just intimate details for the sake of being um, being an exhibitionist but I share them because there's lessons. There's lessons in them. There's lessons that I've learned and I share the lesson as well. I'm going to share the details on that one. So thanks for being here. Thanks for listening share this with any woman that you think is ready to embark on the reclamation of her pussy which really means the reclamation of her power in. Our feminine essence when we have rectified the feminine and the masculine within us we are we are invincible. There's nothing that we can't receive There's nothing that we can't create. There's nothing that we can't manifest or call in. Can taste it now I can actually taste it. So thank you for listening share this with a friend and then decide if you want to come subscribe. It's four ninety nine a month and you get to hear all of my sexcapades and the lessons that I learn through each one of them all right.

37:53.53
kristenlena
Thanks so much. We'll see you next time bye.